The STARVED Stuff | Communication and Relationship Expert | Matt ...

The foundation of most of my work is based on the concept of the 7 basic needs of every relationship. ?This is an excerpt from my book that goes in depth into this idea. ?You can get a copy of the book by clicking here?or call us at 801-727-2121.

In the yearning stage of love, there tends to be a na?ve hope or belief that life is going to be all fun and games, and that we are going to live happily ever after. It doesn?t take long for us to wake up from our dream, in the earning stage of love, and realize that life and love are not so easy. Problems arise and continue to arise, filling our once clean and clear view of life with a hay, smoky, and choking environment I believe smoke is a great metaphor for the many irritation and choking issues that block a couple?s particular lovefest.

The smoke in our relationships symbolizes any and all of the issues about which our partners and we tend to disagree. These arguments can be numerous and as varied as each individual couple. Most couples feel these smoky, irritating issues on and off throughout their relationship. At times, these smoky issues can even seem to be suffocating their relationship to death. The important principle here is that conflict is smoke, and smoke can kill. In most relationships, when couples begin talking about their problems, the problems tend to spread, like smoke in a fire.

Think about the last time you sat around a campfire where there was a lot of smoke. What did you do with the smoke? Did you fan it away or walk away? The smoke kept following or coming back to you, right? This is just like the issues that come up in relationships.

One of the obstacles to crating a healthy and enduring relationship, during the earning stage, is to figure out how to keep the smoke from coming back. Sometimes there is so much smoke that eventually it chokes out the relationship.

In order for a relationship to be healthy, couples need to realize that it is not the differences (The smoke) that creates the problems, but the inability to look beyond the smoke and into the fire. The fire represents the 7 Basic Needs of all healthy and enduring relationships Instead of focusing on the ?smoky? problems, we need to focus on the 7 Basic Needs.

Through all my years as a relationship coach the 7 Basic Needs are the ones mentioned most often, as the reasons couples feel unfulfilled within their relationship.

If you want to learn more about the smoke and fire in your relationship read Chapter 2 in my book ?Starved Stuff?.

There is a way to find the real problems and there are learnable skills to push that relationship to the next level.

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Source: http://matttownsend.com/the-starved-stuff/

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